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Life with (L)users

Forwarded-by: Roland Grefer <btirg@ui.uis.doleta.gov>
Forwarded-by: "Matthew J. Probst " <mprobst@cs.byu.edu>
From: Criminy

          On Different Kinds of Users and How to Spot Them

The Common Idiot
The basic user. Mostly just sits in front of its monitor and drools
over some pornsite.

  Typical dialogue:
     U: "Machine no work."
     S: "What's wrong with it?"
     U: "Machine no work."
     S: "Ok. Which machine do you use?"
     U: "Machine no work."
     S: "Right, I heard you. Where is your machine?"
     U: "Machine no work!"
     S: "*sigh* I'll come with you back to your room."
     U: "Machine no work?"
     S: "Go back to room."
     U: "Go back. Room."

  Frequency of appearance:
     *Much* too often.

  Suggested treatment:

The Mumbler on the Threshold
Appears at the sysadmin's doorstep and speaks very, very softly.
Sometimes it's possible to get it to speak up a little. Very often,
it'll go away at the slightest provocation.

  Typical dialogue:
     U: "mumblemumblenetscapemumblemumblemumble"
     S: "Excuse me?"
     U: "mumblemumblemubleservicepackmumble"
     S: "Sorry, I can't hear you."
     U: "...can't start Netscape..."
     S: "Try clicking on the Netscape icon."
     U: "mumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumble"

  Frequency of appearance:
     Much too often.

  Suggested treatment:

More life with lusers...>>

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