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Life with (L)users

Forwarded-by: Roland Grefer <btirg@ui.uis.doleta.gov>
Forwarded-by: "Matthew J. Probst " <mprobst@cs.byu.edu>
From: Criminy
                             USEROLOGY
                             =========

          On Different Kinds of Users and How to Spot Them

The Common Idiot
----------------
The basic user. Mostly just sits in front of its monitor and drools
over some pornsite.

  Typical dialogue:
     U: "Machine no work."
     S: "What's wrong with it?"
     U: "Machine no work."
     S: "Ok. Which machine do you use?"
     U: "Machine no work."
     S: "Right, I heard you. Where is your machine?"
     U: "Machine no work!"
     S: "*sigh* I'll come with you back to your room."
     U: "Machine no work?"
     S: "Go back to room."
     U: "Go back. Room."

  Frequency of appearance:
     *Much* too often.

  Suggested treatment:
     Kill.

The Mumbler on the Threshold
---------------------------
Appears at the sysadmin's doorstep and speaks very, very softly.
Sometimes it's possible to get it to speak up a little. Very often,
it'll go away at the slightest provocation.

  Typical dialogue:
     U: "mumblemumblenetscapemumblemumblemumble"
     S: "Excuse me?"
     U: "mumblemumblemubleservicepackmumble"
     S: "Sorry, I can't hear you."
     U: "...can't start Netscape..."
     S: "Try clicking on the Netscape icon."
     U: "mumblemumblemumblemumblemumblemumble"

  Frequency of appearance:
     Much too often.

  Suggested treatment:
     Kill.

More life with lusers...>>


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